Ambiguity on Mother’s Day

Mother's Day Handprints

Mother’s Day Handprints

Today is Mother’s Day.  For many it is a celebration.  You receive those adorable handwritten cards, breakfast in bed, flowers and you are “Queen of the Day.”  All worthy of tribute for being a mother.

 Although there are some for whom our path in motherhood directed us to a road less than one chosen to travel.  For you – I share my “Letter to Jodi.”

My dear Jodi,

I’ve thought about what I’d write to you today – Mother’s Day.   I could easily write – all that I had done for you, the lessons I taught you, and even how I embarrassed you — being your mother.  Or recall past Mother’s Days and even dream about our future of what could have been.  Either way nine years ago,  I had to “give you back.”

And that has been the hardest job of being a mother!   As time passes, the more I’m convinced that surviving changes us.  I look at life differently because your death gave my life new meaning and purpose.  I want to give your gifts to others in which you so generously gave to me.  Courage, compassion, confidence, resilience, strength and endless love.

Often I think about our final hours and moments together.  We made promises to each other and most importantly, we talked about the lonely journey ahead.   I believe you were leading me into the future — while I was loving and holding you. 

My earlier years being a Mom

My earlier years being a Mom

The late Gilda Radner said it well:  “I wanted a perfect ending.  Now I’ve learned the hard way that some poems don’t rhyme and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end.  Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next.” 

Delicious ambiguity on my tenth Mother’s Day without you. 


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